I had someone tell me recently that love is overrated. I'm not sure exactly what he may have meant by it in his own mind, but it got me thinking. And asking myself questions. This is my answer.
Is love really overrated?
I think the answer is yes.
I also think the answer is no.
Just a few weeks ago, I was finally privileged to meet my cousins' wives. I was also privileged to spend time with them and watch the way they interacted with each other- that is, my cousin interacting with his wife. I was also able to watch my great-grandparents and hear their story. And after seeing them together, I would say love is not overrated. I think that the wonderful parts are exactly as good as we think they are. Love in the proper place at the proper time can be beautiful.
But I also think many people put too much stock in love. Sometimes it seems that people think marriage will solve their problems and love will somehow heal their brokenness. The truth is, nothing can do that except you and God, working together. You have to complete yourself, you have to heal your own heart and put your own pieces together. I believe this has to happen before even considering marriage. And if it doesn't, it's still a personal journey. It's not something that a spouse can do for you.
Yet, if we can do this, if we piece ourselves together, then I believe love can be all that we want. It will be hard, harder than anything. But the things we put the most effort into can be the greatest. I believe that the love we dream of doesn't fall from the sky. It is a choice, made by two people who are complete in themselves (as complete as any of us can be) agreeing to spend their lives together. It is a pact, a choice, and a whole lot of hard work, but that's what makes it worth overrating. The bad times between us will be horrible, but the good times, they will shine.
The place where we go wrong is always in assuming it is easy, or that it will always be wonderful. There are hard times as well, and how you get through them decides whether you stay together. Love is only overrated if we overlook the hard things. And we do, sometimes, as a society, we do. Especially as young people. I finally had to stop reading certain kinds of books because I was overloaded by this overrating of love, by this idealized image of it as perfect and easy and falling from the sky. I hate the idea that love "completes" someone or that it "saves" them. That doesn't happen. You save yourself, and then you choose to love someone. You may not be able to choose if you like them or are attracted to them- that, I believe. But love, the true kind is a choice, and a hard one.
This is why I prefer sad stories, I think. They are truest to our human experience. And in truth, though in the past I've said it's not, life kind of can be Shakespearean. Very rarely does anyone get a "happy ending." And if they do, they've earned it.
So love is overrated, yes, but it's also not. It depends on how you see it.
Keep in mind while reading that I am an optimist with very little experience. But I do believe that this is right.
