Yesterday, in the self-reliance group I've been attending, we focused on tithing and on obedience to God's commandments (since it's a class on personal finances, it makes sense to talk about tithing.) I was reminded of a principle I learned on my mission- one that can be hard to remember- and that is to focus on eternity.
Much of my issues with anxiety are triggered by thinking about the future. I'm going into college with very little, I'll be trying to work my way through, and if it goes the way I mapped out about a month ago, I'm looking at probably another four years before I graduate. I'll have to make enough money to pay for rent, tuition, groceries, and everything else, while keeping up with homework and of course I still want to have a social life! So there's a lot of uncertainty there. And then, of course, there's the pressure to get married and start a family- which is what I want more than anything else, and therefore is the thing I am the most nervous about. Lately much of what I've faced has then turned around in my head to tell me that I won't be a good wife or a good mother (which is a lie that I am fighting very hard).
Last night, as we talked about tithing, I remembered all the people I talked to on my mission. That was one of the hardest commandments for people to accept, especially those who had little (which is most of the people we taught). But I remember growing up in a home where we paid tithing and generous fast offerings, and even when we didn't have a lot, we had enough. I remember the story of our couch- we needed a new one but couldn't afford it while paying tithing. One day my dad took a different route home from work and saw a piece of a couch (one of the recliners on the end- it's a sectioned couch) in a driveway with a sign that said "free." He went and asked, and we ended up with a long couch, big enough for the whole family, with two recliners and a couch bed. For free. And every time the cars break down, or something in the house needs fixed, it always seems to happen when we have enough to pay for it. I also remembered a couple from my mission- we were meeting with one of our investigators in their home. They told us a story about a time when the husband lost his job, right as they were preparing to send kids on missions and to college. He was offered a job across the country, for significantly less pay, but they felt impressed to accept. As it turns out, the cost of living was so much less that his salary was perfectly manageable. And a few years later, the original company called and asked if he would come back to work for them, and they'd pay whatever he needed. So they ended up with enough money to send their kids on missions and through college, and that may not have happened without all the craziness and stress in the middle.
I was reminded that, even when I can't see how things will work out, how I'll make enough money or be able to keep up without breaking down, if I put it in the Lord's hands, He will make everything work out for my good. That may not mean a big house or two cars, it may not mean graduating four years from now. But it means that it will help me reach my fullest potential- which in the end will matter much more than the job I held or the car I drove or the house I owned. Eternal perspective to me means letting go of those things and holding on to the end goal- the celestial kingdom.
As I thought about that, an interesting question came into my mind. Would I sacrifice being temple worthy to pay my rent?
Seriously. Think about that one.
For me, the temple is a place of peace and guidance. It's where I can recenter myself and be in touch with my Heavenly Father, and grow closer to my Savior. It is the great school that teaches me to prepare to meet God. And someday, I will be sealed there to an eternal companion. Would I give that up because I chose to pay rent over paying tithing?
In the self reliance manual, there is a quote, from a young bishop to a new convert. He said "If paying tithing means you can't pay for water or electricity, pay tithing. If paying tithing means you can't pay your rent, pay tithing. If paying tithing means you don't have enough money to feed your family, pay tithing. The Lord will not abandon you." The referenced article, in the December 2012 Ensign, goes on to tell how this family made it through- they didn't become rich, but they had enough- and were later sealed in the temple. I think of the resources I have available to me- if I could not make it, I have family that can help me through a rough time. I can go to the bishop and receive temporal aid. But to have that spiritual foundation, that core of faith- no one else can help me with that. I have to be willing to give it all to the Lord, even when I don't understand or see the end from the beginning. I am not willing to give up being able to go to the temple. I am not willing to sacrifice my future eternal family. I am not willing to lose my faith. Temporally, the Lord will provide. Spiritually, the Lord will provide. But I must first put it in His hands.
Remembering this last night gave me a great sense of peace and increased energy and motivation to move forward, something I've been struggling with for a few weeks. I felt an assurance that everything will be alright. I will be able to obtain an education and keep up as long as I continue to work hard. I am taking steps to better care for my mental and physical health, which will give me some of the strength I need. And I will not give up on the Lord.
My challenge to you is to put your trust in Him, and to focus on eternity. That is the only thing that will get us through.
No comments:
Post a Comment