Rearrange

They rearranged the trash cans on the third floor, and now one fills the corner where I used to nap. The nook is just the right size, and I can see why they would want it there. But just around the back of this corner is another identical bin. There is no purpose in having both, and yet there it sits, a brown cube in my spot. No longer is this space one for my seclusion, so I move down the hall to the next corner. It's too open, less comfortable. I do not like this change.

I rearranged my cabinet last week, fitting together boxes and cans so that all my food is organized and accessible. Everything is neat, crisp, and precise- except the chip bags. Those just sit atop it all, leftovers that don't seem to belong. This change is one that is useful.

My heart was rearranged when I broke up with my first boyfriend. I learned some things I hadn't known about him, learned that he wasn't who I'd believed. I learned about relationships and about myself. And I kind of still hate this change. Even though it was good for me in the end, I miss the person I thought I knew. But in the end, though it hurt, this change was good.

My stuff was rearranged, when I moved into my apartment. Now I have half a room (though the room itself is twice as large) and half a bathroom (which is better than sharing with my four siblings). The pictures on the wall are neatly placed and offset from one another. I love the angles and the dynamic that creates. The window is smaller and has blinds rather than curtains, and the spiral stairs down to this basement lair seem a bit fragile. But they never fall, and I find that I like this change.

Life was rearranged when I left home and moved to Provo. All of my old friends seemed to drop off the face of the earth, and new ones rushed in to fill that space. Though I still talk to some old friends, and hung out with them over Christmas, they are no longer my core group. These new friends are not the kind thrust together by shared classes. We're all friends because we get along, rather than because it's convenient. I have learned so much about myself and about life, in these short six months. This is a change that I like.

So even though change means I must find a new spot to sit (or move the trash can) I suppose overall that rearranging things is good. It only helps growth.

Confident Change

Confidence is found in the most unlikely of places
She finds it in the quiet whisperings of God
And in laughing with her friends and family
She finds it in moments of inspiration and creativity
Most especially in those moments where she wants
         to change the world
It is in those confident moments
That who she is pours out onto paper
In pictures, in phrases, poems, in art
When she sees her soul on paper, then, again
She smiles because deep, deep inside
She holds on to one unshakable truth
That she is beautiful, she is worth it
          she can change the world
Even though she's surrounded by a country
Whose people no longer seem to care
A country that seeks pleasure and not right
She lives where morals died, where dreams faded
And she wants to have courage to dream and do what's right
           she has the courage to change her world
She holds a smile for everyone and a laugh
Her heart could hold the world if she let it
Loving so deeply that loss breaks her open
And the state of the world unleashes a flood
            tears come when she can't change the world



PAD Day 28

Change

as we grow up
we're told lots of things
that we can't be beautiful
unless we're flawless
or scantily dressed

we grow up noticing
only our squinty eyes
crooked noses, chapped lips
and pimples
and a million other flaws

so our faces are caked with paint
to cover up who we are
to look like Photoshopped models
come to life
it doesn't work

we grow up not knowing
that our eyes sparkle with light
our laughter makes the sun
shine brighter and makes
the world better

the world tells us that
our bodies are only for sex
and pleasing the opposite gender
not that they are sacred
or that we are treasure

we grow up and are told
it isn't okay to think well
of ourselves
it's conceited to hold your head high
to stand on your own feet

we are told that insecurity
is the proper way of life
and we should always
see the best in others
the worst in ourselves

we grow up being taught
that all that's wrong
in the world
is what's right
and what's correct

change

we should grow up
knowing what truly matters
and that it's okay to
look in the mirror, and
say "I am beautiful"


PAD Day 26