Sunday Series: Easter

Now I know it's late at night and I'm cutting it a bit close, but to be honest, there hasn't been much of a chance to blog today. Between conference and various instances of socialization with other humans, I've been booked. But I have time now, so here goes.

Easter Sunday is a miracle.

It wasn't emphasized as much this year, perhaps because I moved out, or because I didn't go to family dinner (I hadn't heard if it was happening or not until too late). Yet it was also more important, if only because I'm living on my own. I feel that over the past couple months, I have developed a stronger relationship with my Savior. This has happened through many small improvements and changes in my life, concerning scripture study, media time, taking good classes, etc. I've come to understand a few things.

Firstly, the Savior does know and love us individually and personally, like that one friend you've known your whole life. He loves us each so much, again individually and personally. This isn't a blanket love, like "I love the people in Europe!" or "I love my ward!" No, He loves you. If you were alone on this Earth, He still would have come. He would've died and risen again, suffered in the Garden, to save you, personally.

Secondly, Christ is always with us. It brings to mind the song "If the Savior Stood Beside Me." He is, in fact, behind you and before you and His angels are round about you, as the scripture says. I believe those people who say that we would be shocked to see what legions of angels are protecting us. Christ is always there and He will never leave. He will bless you with what you need.

Third, that the Atonement is about both little and big things. It is both the small changes in my life, and the big course corrections after making a wrong decision. He doesn't care what the world thinks of me, only whether or not I am trying to change. The General Authorities spoke about this in conference, how a Saint is a sinner who keeps on trying.The Lord doesn't care if we've stumbled or wiped out or fallen off a cliff. He will lift us up if we let Him. That is so marvelous to me, that no matter how I mess up, if I genuinely repent, I can be forgiven, and I can truly change.

There are quite a few mistakes in my past that I regret, that I perhaps never fully rectified, or that I didn't handle as I should. But this Easter Sunday, I know that they can be made right through faith. I can change. I will be able to say "Yes I was, but I am no longer" about who I used to be. That is the most marvelous thing about Easter and the Atonement is the potential for change.

Change is marvelous. Sometimes in this world I think we insist too much on seeing people as they were, as if they have not changed. I think we can have trouble recognizing true differences in hearts and countenances. Yet change is at the core of our being. No one stays the same for long. No, they will change, one way or another. The only time change slows is when we are given over to the adversary. Satan wishes only to keep us from growing, where Christ and our Father want us to become so much more.

This is my testimony this Easter Sunday: that because of the Atonement, we can truly change. We can leave our pasts behind us, and the Lord will remember it no more. Improvement occurs when a heart is willing to accept Christ's all-encompassing love.

It's Conference Time!

General Conference is coming up, and as usual, it's an exciting time of year. In fact, it's crazier this year, since finals are coming up. I have a ten-minute play and two essays to write, as well as two religion tests and ASL to study for, and it's a little crazy. But now and then, between the rush, there are small moments of quiet. At this moment, I have done all that I can on my projects. In fact, I've done more- I began writing this ten-minute play based on something I've wanted to write about for a while, only to discover that our plays will be written on topics with settings, titles, and characters drawn randomly out of a hat. Of course, I'll probably still finish the one I started. It's one I feel strongly about.

As conference comes up, I've been pondering a lot of questions and I'm hoping that this weekend will help me finish answering them. Hopefully you all know that I've been planning on serving a mission. Well, lately, I've been questioning that decision, for a multitude of reasons, the first being fear. I am afraid to leave all of this behind for a year and a half, just when I'm finally settling in. The second reason is passion. Perhaps as a result of my fear, I cannot find my passion for the work. The Gospel is true, and I have a strong testimony, but sharing it is intimidating.  The third reason is, of course, what if I got married? Not that I'm anywhere close to that, obviously. I haven't even been on a date in months  (though it's been a bit of a relief- I have more time for homework). But there is the ever-present what if.

Yet a mission also offers so much. Perhaps in accepting a call to serve, I will be blessed to find that love for missionary work again. Perhaps I will be blessed with an even greater community when I return to Provo. Perhaps the Lord has something greater waiting in store for me than anything I can imagine now. I know many returned sister missionaries, and all of them are so spiritually strong. I do want that strength for my future family. So I am tentatively deciding to remain with my decision to serve a mission.

This is my hope for General Conference: That I will hear words to comfort my heart and calm my soul, to assure me that I am choosing correctly, despite what I'm leaving behind. I know that, if I remain faithful, the Lord will aid me in this.

This weekend is not only Conference weekend, but Easter weekend as well. My wonderful family sent me my favorite candy as a part of a "finals care package" and I intend to consume it with care so it lasts forever. This candy can only be found at Eastertime, and my family always gets it for conference. Of course, this has nothing to do with the real purpose of Easter- it's just something I'm excited about. Easter really is a celebration of our wonderful Savior and His atonement. In ASL, we learned the sign for "repent" the other day, and the thing that struck me was how similar this sign is to that for "change." The only difference is that "repent" utilizes the shape of the letter "r" rather than "x." Repentance truly is change. Though we may fail and fall down, with the aid of the Savior, we can continue to try and one day truly change. Easter is the time of year to celebrate this gift of change. The Church released a video, either last year, or a few years ago, that perfectly portrays the Easter spirit.

I think, this Easter, I will honor m Savior by beginning to index again. I haven't for a long time, probably over a year. But just this past Sunday, we had a speaker teach our third hour about family history work, including indexing, and his message touched my heart. I want to help those that came before me. And I know indexing can help me as well- we watched a video about a man who began indexing as a tool to combat addictions, and he found his way back to the Church.

So this Easter, I'm challenging you to do something different in your life. Reach out to someone new, or start a new goal. And of course, endeavor to improve, and become closer to God. All my love to all of you!