Looking Back

Some days nostalgia rules my mind and takes up all my time

It is on these days that I look back with extra fondness at what has passed.Or with loathing. Or occasionally indifference. But whichever feeling it is, it is evenly applied to every moment that has gone before my eyes.

Some days I just need to be distracted.

So I'm thinking about something else.

You know what I admire? True deep friendships. The kind where people just spend time together without any urging. Where no part of it feels forced. I have two friends who share this kind of friendship, despite having only known each other since August. Seeing them, you'd swear it had been years since they'd met. They are constantly in each other's company, and if you tell one of them something, the other will know soon. I admire this friendship so much.

Friendship is so hard, I think, for most of the world. Depending on personality and such. I have trouble getting at the deep details of people's lives, and remembering them. Others have trouble seeing the good in most people. Others have crippling social anxiety, or are bullied or have been, or just haven't met the right kind of people. It's hard.

But it's so beautiful when it comes through, when it works out. I've had many friends over my short lifetime, and I can say with a certainty that my dearest memories were spent in their company. Many of my friendships did not stand the test of time, but those that did are certain as the stars. I'm sure you can relate. And I've met new people, and formed friendships that I hope will last a long, long time, though they aren't as strong or close as my two friends. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever known any friendship that close. But perhaps it's a college thing. Perhaps if I lived closer to my friends, we would spend more time in each other's company.

As it is, I know that one of my goals in life is a friendship or two like theirs.