"Things That Grow Slowly..."

The other day, my dad gave me some advice. He said "things that grow slowly live the longest."

Rewind about ten minutes. I was sitting on the couch, attempting to write my talk and feeling so totally overwhelmed by all I needed to do. I had to write this talk, and do it perfectly of course, I had to have the Spirit in it. I have to find housing for BYU in the fall. I have to find a job- I'd applied to a couple places with no luck yet. And of course, there was the inevitable pressure to attend a YSA branch, find an eternal companion, and live happily ever after. There was pressure to be productive and pressure to rest and I didn't know which to choose. It all came crashing down in tears. That's when my dad came to the rescue.

"Erin," he said, "you've only been home for eight days."

Wait. You mean, no one expects me to have a job, housing, class schedule, and engagement ring eight days after returning home from a mission?

He proceeded to tell me that I was perfectly normal. If I wasn't stressed out, he'd be worried. He said that all of that pressure was really all in my head. It's okay to feel overwhelmed and to take things slow. I'm not going to be put out on the streets if I don't have a job right after stepping off the plane. I don't have to be going every minute of the day like I was on my mission- I can slow down a bit and take time to make sure that I am okay. I can take time to read a book or have a nap, or write a blog post.

I can take the time to become comfortable with myself as a person in this world that is upside down from the past eighteen months. I can figure out where I fit and how I want to fit and what I want to do at the pace that I need.

So this week, I wrote my talk. I applied for a job (and didn't get it). I drank my smoothies in the morning because I know my brain does better on that than on cereal. I get up early (not 6:30, but before 9) and I make sure to exercise and study my scriptures. I've even tried listening to normal music a few times (and I've found that some of my tastes have changed). I've watched a few movies. I've discovered I loathe when everyone is stuck inside their mobile devices. I've spent time with friends and family. I caught a cold- and so I was able to get some extra sleep without having to work through it (too much).

Spending time with my friends helped a ton with making me feel more at home. My talk went very well (even if I gave it through a stuffed nose). I found some more places to apply to for a job. I started my ecclesiastical endorsement (halfway there) and today I'm making a bigger plan. I want to look at my week and plan, and set goals.

I learned on my mission that the opinions of others do not define me. I learned that Satan's favorite tools to incapacitate me are stress, anxiety, and discouragment. I've learned that ignoring those feelings, and fighting back, is the est way for me to be productive and confident. It is the only way for me to feel at peace, and to keep moving forward. Guilt holds me back. Fear pushes me under. I have to have faith, trust in God, and most especially work with patience. Because now I've been home for two weeks. I still don't have everything under control or worked out, and that is perfectly okay. Nobody expects me to. I just have to keep trying and everything will fall into place in the way it needs to be.

"You have months ahead of you," my dad said.

"I am proud of you," he said.

"Things that grow slowly live the longest"