Jacob 5 And Happy Endings

For my mission preparation class, we were challenged to read Jacob 5 closely. As I did, I realized something. It's something I've known, but for whatever reason, this time it had extra force.

This story has a happy ending.

Jacob 5 is, of course, the allegory of the olive tree. It shows the trees, tame and wild, and the fruit, bad and good. We are the fruit and the master of the vineyard is the Lord. The chapter chronicles the Lord's efforts in His vineyard to gain a good harvest, with good (righteous) fruit. It is a story of humanity. As I read through the end, it really hit me for the first time that this story, our story, has a happy ending.

"And it came to pass that when the Lord of the vineyard saw that his fruit was good, and that his vineyard was no more corrupt, he called up his servants, and said unto them: Behold, for this last time have we nourished my vineyard...and I have preserved the natural fruit, that it is good, even like as it was in the beginning...and the bad is cast away, behold ye shall have joy with me because of the fruit of my vineyard." (Jacob 5:75-76)

It ends well!

This is so important to me, that this story, our story, my story, ends well. We can find joy.

"If you ever feel your burden is too great to bear, lift your heart to your Heavenly Father, and He will uphold and bless you. He says to you, as He said to Joseph Smith, "[Your] adversity and [your]afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if [you] endure it well, God shall exalt [you] on high." (President Uchtdorf, "Your Happily Ever After," May 2010)

The other important part of Jacob 5, that fits in well with President Uchtdorf's talk, is the middle. The part where the vineyard is constantly back and forth between bad and good . This is the part of life that I think we are all intimately familiar with. This is normal life. Things go back and forth between being good and bad- we go back and forth between being good and bad.

"Sandwiched between their "once upon a time" and "happily ever after," they all had to experience great adversity. Why must all experience sadness and tragedy?...The scriptures tell us there must be opposition in all things, for without it we could not discern the sweet from the bitter...Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way. Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy."("Your Happily Ever After")

The world is filled with "bad fruit" and if we let it get to us, we too will become bad. But if we stand strong, we can be the good fruit that lasts through the days to the happy ending that we have been promised. Dan Clark spoke at today's devotional in the Marriott, and he talked about how we become like the people we spend time with. He compared it to putting one sick and one healthy child in a room together- you will get two sick children. (Brother Clark's talk was really good, I may do a separate post on parts of it).

This is coming down to the same thing that I've said so many times before: If we do our best and work our hardest towards the light, then we will reach our happy ending. We will be able to live with our Father again, as long as we strive to get there.

So don't stop moving forward! Don't give up, because if you keep moving, you will get a happy ending.

So Far

My past is littered with broken promises
And commitments that fell through
Things I thought to do and didn't
Things I wish I'd never done

But it's also lined with beauty and hung with laughter
Colored by joy and good friends
And leading to strength
And hopefully better resolve than before

I still have so far to go
But see how far I've come

Retrospection

I've been thinking about the past. Never a good thing to do, right? It wasn't this time.

I've been remembering the friends I had and how we kind of fell apart

I've been remembering the bad times and the good with equal amounts of melancholy.

I've been remembering why I chose what I did.

I've been remembering all the heartbreak.

I've been remembering the people who left, who walked away.

I've been remembering the people that never really saw me.

I've been remembering all the fun things that don't happen anymore.

I've been remembering old insecurities

And it's good I've got a fabulous group of friends here. Because already I have enough memories with them to combat this melancholy. Even though it's barely been a month since we all met. Time doesn't seem to matter in this case.

I'm remembering dinner. Multiple times. Mostly at Heather's apartment.

I'm remembering playing 1000 Blank White Cards. Until 12:20am. That game got pretty crazy.

I'm remembering how we played Shadow Hunters instead of going to whatever sports thing was going on that night.

I'm remembering multiple weeks of tunnel singing.

I'm remembering the first night, at NSO. When all us non-Helaman people got walked home. That's when I realized I wanted to key these friends around.

I'm remembering every day in the Wilk. Just hanging out in the same spot.

I'm remembering multiple shopping trips for various items.

I'm remembering Heather's surprise party! I still can't believe we pulled that off. And then we played some more 1000 Blank White Cards. Because why not.

And after writing this, I feel better. Less tired of my own company. More able to deal with things. And who cares if it's my seventh blog post today. Seven is a lucky number right? And overall, I'm really a very lucky girl.

See The World

What do you do when you see the world differently?

This has been on my mind a lot recently. Mostly because I'm realizing more and more that I see the world differently than most people around me, in ways that make it easier and harder to interact with them.

Recently I broke up with someone who turned out to be not quite the person I thought they were. They weren't as "good" as I'd pictured them to be. They had darkness that should've pushed me away long ago, but didn't, because of how I saw them, how I see the world, and people in general.

Not as recently, I realized that I really get along with anyone and everyone. I can be friends with everyone, but not always best friends. This also comes from how I see the world. It's both a good thing and a bad thing.

The question lies in, inherently, the way I see people.

When I look at people, meet people, I tend to see the best in them. To see their good side and sometimes even ignore their bad side. This allows me to get along with anyone on a basic level. Good, right?

Yet the same has caused me pain. As a human being, I crave love, affection, trust, given and taken. I crave that deep interaction with people and yet it's rare that I get close enough to someone to trust them that much. I believe it is because of how I see people. As essentially good. Because I ignore their faults when I see my own so clearly. Because I don't give enough.

It also causes trouble because by ignoring faults, I can and have allowed myself to deeply trust people who never should have seen that much of me. That is what happened recently. I ignored all warning signs and let myself get close to someone who ultimately was not as good as I believed.

So what do you do with someone who sees the world this way, as inherently good, pure, innocent? I've had people coddle me. I've had people disillusion me, or try to. Yet nothing has changed.

I see the world at its best. I see the good side of people, until the darker part is too large to ignore. Still, I don't know if I can believe that some of my friends might do drugs. Or look at porn. Or break rules. Or hurt people or hate people or judge them. Or I believe and subsequently ignore it, I'm not sure.

Is it good or bad that I see the way I do? Because though I see it this way, I also see its brokenness. I see the places I would patch, change for the better. I know my ideal world, and I want to bring my dream and reality together. So how can how I see the world be so bad?

But it hurts people too. It hurt someone I cared for deeply. It hurts me, often. More often than perhaps even I realize. So how could it be good? But I do believe it's good. Isn't it the pain that makes us human?