Throughout my life I have struggled with perfectionism and wanting to get everything exactly right, right now. I always knew when I was too stressed because I'd catch myself in my prayers apologizing for not being perfect. I held myself to such high expectations and sometimes that would lead to judging others and expecting the same from them. That's sort of a negative way to live.
On my mission I began to learn and more importantly, to accept, that perfection is more of a process than a state of being, an end goal rather than an expectation. I found that when I turned to people for help when I was struggling that, rather than tell me to get over it (as I expected they would), they responded with compassion and offered to help. This was especially at the time mentioned in my previous post where I had been struggling with anxiety. I received countless wonderful priesthood blessings from my Heavenly Father through righteous priesthood holders that provided the exact counsel and comfort that I needed. I realized that it was okay for me to struggle and need help, rather than having to be the strong one and never show any weakness.
Since I returned from my mission I have struggled similarly, expecting to have a job, a major, and my life completely planned out within 3-4 weeks. Which is really unrealistic. (Though I did get a job yesterday!!). I felt as though by taking breaks, I was somehow failing. This has led to a lot of unnecessary stress. Then, this morning I read in the Book of Mormon those verses listed above and I noticed that it never says perfection is a requirement.
Let me repeat that.
It never says perfection is a requirement.
The way is prepared for all men (which means no exceptions, including me) if they repent and come unto Him. If they diligently seek Him. Those are the two requirements mentioned here: repentance and diligence. Neither of them involve perfection or never messing up. They represent consistent and patient effort to turn to Him who is mighty to save, He who knows our every thought, doubt, pain, and joy.
In my copy of Preach My Gospel, under "Diligence" in chapter 6, I found a quote I'd written down from one of my dad's emails to me. He said "Diligence is one of the best and most hopeful concepts in the gospel. The Lord only expects our patient and continual efforts. He is not so much interested in speed as much as He is in direction. He expects us to face Him and keep moving toward Him."
Then, Russell M Nelson said (in a talk titled "Perfection Pending") "We need not be dismayed if our earnest efforts toward perfection now seem so arduous and endless. Perfection is pending. It can come in full only after the Resurrection and only through the Lord. It awaits all who love him and keep his commandments. It includes thrones, kingdoms, principalities, powers, and dominions. It is the end for which we are to endure. It is the eternal perfection that God has in store for each of us." In the same talk, Russell M Nelson discusses how the Greek work for "perfect" in scriptures such as Matthew 5:48 actually indicates "achieving a distant goal" as opposed to being free from error.
To me, this is a lesson I have to learn again and again- and it seems the Lord never gets tired of reminding me, in His patient and gentle way. I am allowed to struggle. I am allowed to have bad days, or weeks, as long as I continue to remember Him, to diligently seek Him and to repent. As long as I keep trying and keep fighting, I cannot lose.
When I was struggling on my mission, the mission nurse gave me a list of quotes to read every day. One of them, by Bruce R McConkie, has become a favorite to remember. He said "I believe in becoming perfect; I also believe in the law of eternal progression."
So my message today is this: If the things you face seem overwhelming, if the roar of Satan's armies is loud in your ears, don't forget to look behind you. There is a greater army of light there than you could ever imagine. Your friends and family are there, standing ready to fight for you. Your ancestors beyond the veil surround you. And your Savior- He is right beside you, for He has already won this war. He knows exactly what you need to do, exactly how long it will take. It may be days, weeks, years, or a lifetime, but the victory is yours- if you repent and diligently seek Him. And if you slip and fall- repent and turn to Him again. He is always waiting.
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