"Perfection Pending"

"For he is the same yesterday, today and forever; and the way is prepared for all men from the foundation of the world, if it so be that they repent and come unto him. For he that diligently seeketh shall find" (1 Nephi 10:18-19)

Throughout my life I have struggled with perfectionism and wanting to get everything exactly right, right now. I always knew when I was too stressed because I'd catch myself in my prayers apologizing for not being perfect. I held myself to such high expectations and sometimes that would lead to judging others and expecting the same from them. That's sort of a negative way to live.

On my mission I began to learn and more importantly, to accept, that perfection is more of a process than a state of being, an end goal rather than an expectation. I found that when I turned to people for help when I was struggling that, rather than tell me to get over it (as I expected they would), they responded with compassion and offered to help. This was especially at the time mentioned in my previous post where I had been struggling with anxiety. I received countless wonderful priesthood blessings from my Heavenly Father through righteous priesthood holders that provided the exact counsel and comfort that I needed. I realized that it was okay for me to struggle and need help, rather than having to be the strong one and never show any weakness.

Since I returned from my mission I have struggled similarly, expecting to have a job, a major, and my life completely planned out within 3-4 weeks. Which is really unrealistic. (Though I did get a job yesterday!!). I felt as though by taking breaks, I was somehow failing. This has led to a lot of unnecessary stress. Then, this morning I read in the Book of Mormon those verses listed above and I noticed that it never says perfection is a requirement.

Let me repeat that.

It never says perfection is a requirement. 

The way is prepared for all men (which means no exceptions, including me) if they repent and come unto Him. If they diligently seek Him. Those are the two requirements mentioned here: repentance and diligence. Neither of them involve perfection or never messing up. They represent consistent and patient effort to turn to Him who is mighty to save, He who knows our every thought, doubt, pain, and joy.

In my copy of Preach My Gospel, under "Diligence" in chapter 6, I found a quote I'd written down from one of my dad's emails to me. He said "Diligence is one of the best and most hopeful concepts in the gospel. The Lord only expects our patient and continual efforts. He is not so much interested in speed as much as He is in direction. He expects us to face Him and keep moving toward Him."

Then, Russell M Nelson said (in a talk titled "Perfection Pending") "We need not be dismayed if our earnest efforts toward perfection now seem so arduous and endless. Perfection is pending. It can come in full only after the Resurrection and only through the Lord. It awaits all who love him and keep his commandments. It includes thrones, kingdoms, principalities, powers, and dominions. It is the end for which we are to endure. It is the eternal perfection that God has in store for each of us." In the same talk, Russell M Nelson discusses how the Greek work for "perfect" in scriptures such as Matthew 5:48 actually indicates "achieving a distant goal" as opposed to being free from error.

To me, this is a lesson I have to learn again and again- and it seems the Lord never gets tired of reminding me, in His patient and gentle way. I am allowed to struggle. I am allowed to have bad days, or weeks, as long as I continue to remember Him, to diligently seek Him and to repent. As long as I keep trying and keep fighting, I cannot lose.

When I was struggling on my mission, the mission nurse gave me a list of quotes to read every day. One of them, by Bruce R McConkie, has become a favorite to remember. He said "I believe in becoming perfect; I also believe in the law of eternal progression."

So my message today is this: If the things you face seem overwhelming, if the roar of Satan's armies is loud in your ears, don't forget to look behind you. There is a greater army of light there than you could ever imagine. Your friends and family are there, standing ready to fight for you. Your ancestors beyond the veil surround you. And your Savior- He is right beside you, for He has already won this war. He knows exactly what you need to do, exactly how long it will take. It may be days, weeks, years, or a lifetime, but the victory is yours- if you repent and diligently seek Him. And if you slip and fall- repent and turn to Him again. He is always waiting.

Sunday Series: Be Perfected (Puzzles and Perfection)

"Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God." (Moroni 10:32)

I love this scripture, and not just because it was my last theme as a youth. It's a wonderful scripture with a good message, and I wish we shared the full thing more often, rather than just the beginning. My visiting teaching companion and I actually shared it as part of our message for the month and I loved the thoughts that we had.

My companion said that this scripture is wonderful because it illustrates a process. The transformation we go through from imperfect beings, from the natural man to a godlike being and a joyous, perfect creation, is not instant. It does not happen in a moment or in the twinkling of an eye. Rather, it occurs over years and years of striving. It takes a lot of work, and a lot of mistakes. We fall and we stumble, but if we get back up and keep moving, we can make it someday. By God's grace, we can make it.

While she was speaking, I was thinking, and what crossed my mind was the relationship between "perfect" and "complete." In the scriptures, as I've heard many times in Sunday School, "perfect" means "complete" more than it does "without flaw." I love that meaning and relationship. God just wants us to become complete. And Christ can complete us- we can "be perfect in Christ" as the scripture says.

This brought to mind the idea of a puzzle. I imagine that each of us have one- our own puzzle, with a unique image that illustrates our lives. We are given the pieces when we are born, and all our lives, we try to solve them. Most days, we put pieces in place. Others, we knock them out, or lose them, and then we have to get on our hands and knees and search. But as we work to become better people, as we live and grow, our puzzles gradually take shape.

Yet, at the end of our lives, when we look at this puzzle, we will find that it is still incomplete.

There are pieces missing! Vital ones to the final picture. They just barely obscure the image. We may have a vague idea of what the picture could be, but we cannot see it. The pieces are missing. So we get down and we search everywhere. We look under tables, between couch cushions, around corners, in vents, in cupboards and down drains. We look everywhere. But they are nowhere to be found, and the puzzle has to be finished. Time is running out.

When we have searched as long and as hard as we can, we finally slump down to the floor, burying our heads in our arms. We have done all we can and there is nothing else we can do- we have fallen short. This is when we feel a gentle hand on our shoulder and a question. "Is this what you were looking for?"

We look up to find our older brother there. His face is kind and filled with love and sympathy. His hand is outstretched, and in it, we see our missing pieces, the ones we could not find. He gives them to us, and we cry tears of gratitude. Now the puzzle is complete, right on time. And the picture is beautiful.

Christ has the pieces that we do not. Once we have done all we can, searched everywhere we can look, placed every piece we have, then He comes and fills in the gaps in our puzzles. In the hymn "Where Can I Turn For Peace," in the third verse, there is the line "reaches my reaching." This is exactly what He does. We reach as far as we can, straining for just another inch. Once we can go no further, He extends His arm and takes our hands.

So we reach out! We come unto Christ, we area perfected in Him. He reaches our reaching, completes our puzzles, and makes us whole.

The other beauty of this is that this too is not an instant transformation right before judgment. In truth, He is right beside us as we work on our puzzles. He guides us, and helps us when we don't know what to do next. He is beside us throughout our life, and guides us to perfection, to completion.

And we now "can in nowise deny the power of God" for we have seen it! We have lived with it beside us every day. He has guided us in our trials and our joy, redeemed our sorrows and our sin, and all we need to do is reach just as far as we can, and He will do the rest.

Me, Perfect? Nah

Recently I read The Disease Called "Perfection" by Dan Pearce. Lately I have been struggling with a decision, as you may know, and even more recently I've been wondering how to face up to the choice that I made. I don't regret my choice, I thought, but what do I do if it was the wrong one? I already know my dad will be mad, my friends may think me crazy, but then I read this piece. And if you haven't yet, please do.

To me, what this said to me was that I'm worrying too much about what other people think about the path I'm following rather than simply following it and doing the best that I can. I'm worrying a lot about what other people will say rather than what I believe is the path I need to take.

As I'm writing this, my family is watching Frozen. "Conceal, don't feel," right? Not anymore.

I thought about this, combined with Dan's article, and couldn't help but look back on my life and see how much I've done that. I've become whatever I needed to be so people would like me. So I could be "perfect." I've agreed out loud when I really don't. I've hidden away my thoughts because they'd displease others. I've thought the right thoughts, said the right words, and acted the right way. And It's been a good life...mostly. It's only recently I've begun to break free, in my own way. I've started- gasp!- disagreeing with people. And It didn't cause me any loss of those I hold dear. I've started to follow my path the way I believe I should, the way of no (or at least fewer) regrets.

Life is even better than before.

I still hold true to my beliefs. I still do not participate in things I believe to be wrong. Lots of things in my life will not change. But the parts of me that belong only to me, my personality, certain of my life choices, the way I choose to be, all of these are breaking free of the "perfection" I've lived in, at least I hope so.

I'm trying to embrace my faults, my mistakes, and live and learn. I'm trying to move on from what I've done, ignore how I appear to others. I will choose how to live because of me, and not because of others, not because they told me so, or because they'll like me or approve. Not that I will make decisions so that people will disapprove, but that their approval will no longer be a deciding factor, or even a factor at all, if I can make it so.

I'm trying to, you might say, "Let it Go."

I love that song. That is what I'm trying to do. To not care "what they're going to say." To do it because of me and not them.

It will be hard. So hard. These are habits I have cultivated for nearly eighteen years (or less I suppose, not counting when I was too young to really understand). I can't imagine what it would be like to wait longer.

As it is, this will take a long time. I'm not even sure where to start. Though I'm at the perfect place in my life to start this- getting ready to go away to college, somewhere to start afresh, right?

But honestly, what kind of life is a perfect one? What kind of person, the kind that someone can really care for, is "perfect?" It is imperfection that draws us, because we recognize something that we see in ourselves. And I want to be me, not some fancy painted-on version, whether that be literal makeup or the metaphorical kind. I don't want to be blemish free. Not anymore.

Our scars make us. And my heart's got a few.

Me, perfect? Nah.