Dear May

This letter is a bit overdue.

You hurt me you know. Pretty bad. There were a lot of things wrong in our relationship. And we both knew we were never gonna make it. I'm sorry to have ended it earlier, but it was right. Had I waited much longer, I might not have had the strength to do it, with all that happened in the next few weeks.

We weren't perfect. And I know some of the time, you mistreated me, but I did return the favor, in a way. The more you griped and blamed and complained, the less I tried. It was always my fault anyway, you see, that we couldn't spend every minute of every day together. It didn't matter if I had other plans, or things that needed done, or that I had to play for the gas it took to drive out to meet you. I was never trying hard enough for you, and so I stopped trying. That killed anything we had, both the way you blamed me and the way I stopped trying.

I truly did care for you though. You helped me understand myself, and what I really want in my life. You helped me see who I was. I'll miss that. I'll miss your jokes, your smiles, your sweetness. I'll miss the times we had to work through things and we did. I'll miss how you saw me, because you saw the most of the real me. Well not anymore, but at the time, it was true that you'd seen the most of me.

But I won't miss the complaining. I won't miss the lies or the broken promises. I won't miss how you broke my heart at the same time you loved it. You made me maybe two promises, and you broke them both. They may not have been important to you, but they were to me. And you promised.

In hindsight, I can see all the warning signs that should have pushed me away from any romantic involvement with you. But hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it? And love is truly blind. I only saw the you that I wanted to see- the you I met for real a little over a year ago. The you that was perfect for me. But so much of that was a disguise. It hurts to find out that someone isn't who you think they are.

We had our ups and downs, and in the end we just didn't fit together. I'm sorry. I'll forever miss what we had but I'm moving on. I have moved on. Goodbye, my May.

Erin

This post is sort of a sequel to an old one- Vulnerability.