Sunday Series: A Peculiarity

Our Gospel Doctrine teacher today made an interesting remark today. He mentioned how it's funny that members of the Church get offended more often than nonmembers do. So, if I tell a nonmember I can't participate in something, they're more often fascinated, whereas a member would react by asking why I couldn't; after all, they're doing it and they share your standards right? This struck me as a fascinating thought.

I find that we, as members, sometimes go into conversations expecting to be offended my those who do not share our beliefs. Have you ever talked to someone about your beliefs and expected them to react negatively? I have. The stories of rude nonmembers are prolific and spread like wildfire. Yet, truly, they represent a fraction of interactions so small as to be nearly insignificant. That's not to say it doesn't happen, but that it is very rare. Most of those adhering to other systems of belief do not react in such a negative way, and I've come to resent that stereotype for harming how I relate to others in a spiritual sense. It's difficult to speak about my beliefs with the fear of judgment and rejection hanging over my head like a cloud.

We truly are offended less by nonmembers than by members. And sometimes we give offense as well- in our tone or words. The times this occurs are most often when we are blunt about sensitive subjects. I've seen it happen more than once, in religious and secular matters. A blunt manner leaves no room for compassion, or for hearing any other viewpoint or angle on the subject. I have tried being blunt once or twice, and it never led anywhere good.

That being said, could it be that members go into discussions with other members with a more blunt manner? With the view that things can only be one way? Or, perhaps, without a place for other views on certain doctrine. Members do seem to hurt each other more than nonmembers ever have. One sister in my Gospel Doctrine class responded to the original thought with the story of a grandmother speaking to her grandchildren. "I walked across the plains," she said, "but I would much rather do that than what you must do." They lived in an LDS community. These children would have to stand up to their friends. This peculiarity of offense requires more strength than trekking thousands of miles and facing years of persecution, she seems to be saying.

Doctrinal disputes seem to cause more uproar than any other discussion. The world thinks the Church is crazy and backwards for not supporting gay marriage? No big deal to the majority of members. A woman starts a group to ordain females to the priesthood? That becomes an issue for everyone. And perhaps that particular dispute is a little extreme, but I think it is representative. There were multitudes that were offended one way or another, and feelings hurt all around. There were heated debates and it spread like wildfire. I, personally, have heard so much more about Ordain Women than I have about any issue between the Church and the world. If you want a less extreme issue, look at steady dating in high school, or whether it's okay to drink caffeine, or evolution, or perhaps the reasons behind a man being able to be sealed to multiple women, but a woman only being sealed to one man.

The whole point, I guess, is that we Latter-Day Saints tend to battle more within the ranks than without them. Sometimes our greatest enemies are those we should be able to call on to support us. And this needs to stop. The stereotype that those who are not members will reject our beliefs needs to stop- spread better stories than that. The blunt, stubborn mannerisms need to stop- actually, I think this is just a general statement. Blunt and stubborn rarely ever got anyone anywhere. Our Church is so accepting of those outside it. Let us be equally accepting and supportive to those inside it.

Now, after saying this, I'd like to look at the positive side of the issue- the part where the statement I heard in Sunday School is wrong. I have met some absolutely wonderful members within the church that would never dream of judging or causing offense, that tread with care among the feelings of others. They may not be completely immune to gossip or being offended themselves, yet, I think it is fair to say that, the majority of the time, "no corrupt communication proceed[s] forth" from them (Ephesians 4:29). They are wonderful role models and phenomenal friends.

I think it can then be said that there is as much variability in who a person can be within the Church as there is for a person outside of it. It is more often than not that this peculiarity of offense is true, but it is by no means a constant. All we can say, then, is that we are human, and that we can try to become better humans than we were before, by striving to be kind and not take or give offense.