Pressurepressurepressure

I wrote a part a while back called Pushing And Strong Tides. It was mostly about peer pressure and a decision I was making. Basically this decision was a very controversial one, in its own way, and was part of a stand I was attempting to take. Yet, in this stand, I had no support from any of my peers. I was literally surrounded by friends and people that I trusted, who pushed and pulled me against what I was trying to stand for. It's like drowning, and being told that you'll breathe just fine, because all your friends are.

Support and empathy are important. If I had known even one person who had spoken out, who had stood up for me and what I wanted, perhaps I would have decided differently. Don't forget that, when you see your friends struggling. My choice led to more heartbreak than was necessary. Because I was pushed. Because to genuinely want something and have to tell yourself no is hard enough, but to have literally everyone around you pushing you to say yes is even harder. Especially when it's the people that were supposed to stand behind you, and support you. It requires so much strength to stand against that, and I wish I'd had that strength, but even more than that, I wish I'd had support.

It should be mentioned that I had adults who stood behind my decision. But if you've been there, you know,  it's the support of your friends that really counts.

I've been guilty in the past of not doing that, of being too critical. It hurt one of my dearest friendships, and it never recovered.

Even if there is disagreement, I have come to believe in constant support. But also in making them aware of your thoughts. Like saying "I don't agree with your course, but I care for you and I will defend you and protect you. I will be there for you." There a great quote, from Rick Warren, that speaks to this, in the last line. He says something I consider to be a great truth. "You don't have to compromise convictions to be compassionate."

So please, watch out for your friends. It is incredibly hard, and heartbreaking, to be without a support system from your peers. It is so incredibly important, a great source of strength. Please be that system. Be the one to tell them it's okay to make that decision, to be different. Tell them that no matter what differences there are in what you believe, that you'll always love and care for them. If I had even one person say that, I think my whole summer would have been different. Just one person. Be that person. It makes a huge difference.

And if you find people who are a support system, keep them close! Find as many as you can and don't let them go. Be there for them. Sometimes they need it the most.

It's not always about whether you agree or disagree. Sometimes it's just about being a friend.

PS Special thanks to Jared Moya for most recently being that friend for me

Three Ways

In the past week or so, I've been through a lot. And there are three people who really helped me make it through. This was a hard time, and there are very few people that I trust, that I talked to. And these three helped in ways that I think everyone needs.

The first listened. She let me cry and talk it out. She allowed me to let out all my pent up emotion and hurt. She simply listened. This is so important. Today it seems most people don't listen. Rather than empathizing, they try immediately to fix the problem. They try to tell you what you're doing wrong. They judge your problem and give solutions-which can be helpful, but not all the time, and not usually for me. This person-my mother-listening to me meant a lot, because it's so rare today.

The second person didn't judge me. My best friend allowed me to simply be. With what happened, I was so afraid to open up, because it was the result of a decision I made. It would have been easy to judge, and I was scared they would. But this friend did not. She heard me out and didn't judge, like another might have.

The third protected me. I say protected, but it was kind of joking. He said he'd beat up anyone who hurt me, but really the message was that he was there to protect my heart. That meant a great deal to me.

In a way, I suppose, these three things are kind of the same. Yet they are so different as well. Because the people were different, the places we were in, the place I was in.

I guess the point is that it means so much to have friends who stand behind you, people who you can trust. And though I don't trust easily, it's hard to lose my trust once it's been gained. In this situation, I learned of three people that I can truly trust, because of how they reacted to a person in need.

My challenge is this: be that person. Love without asking, without always having to fix the problems. Love by listening, by not judging, and by protecting. You'll win people's hearts. I promise.

All Problems are Created Equal

Yes, that's right. Only it doesn't mean what you think it does. And now you want to know what it does mean, I'm sure.

In my life, there have been times where I've had trouble (obviously). Often I try to go to people for help because that's what people do isn't it? We all rely on each other.

At these times, I'm hoping for sympathy, empathy, a listening ear.

What I'm not looking for is to be told that my problem is dumb.

This has happened several times, leading me to develop the view that "all problems are created equal" in a way.

You see, to me, whatever was going on had huge significance to my life, though the thing that set it off may have been small. I am blessed to live in a first world country, and as such, my problems are not horrible. However, I do not believe in a "dumb" problem or a "wrong" problem. It could be the worst thing that person has gone through. They may need your support just as much as those with worse problems.

I guess what I'm saying is that nobody's pain should be disregarded. No matter how insignificant it may seem. It could be the tip of an iceberg, or a side effect of a larger problem. It could be that they just need a friend.

And lest I forget, what damage does disregarding pain-even the seemingly insignificant-do? Well, I have a hard time trusting those who tell me my pain is dumb, even with the more important stuff. For someone with whom it's an iceberg, you could do irreparable harm to them. It could be the last straw before they do something drastic. It could worsen the issue to a point where it becomes extremely serious. It does damage to friendships.

Please don't disregard anyone's pain, because there's always a story behind it.