Why

Why do I write?

I write because I have to.

I write because there are worlds upon worlds layered in my mind, waiting to be described on a page.

I write because I have so many ideas churning within me and the only way to understand them is to write them, to see them in black and white letters.

I write, because if I didn't, my head might explode from the pressure of trying to remember, to hold onto, all these ideas that I can't forget, all these ideals that I didn't know I believed. Until the storm in my mind is quieted, until the roiling passion within my head has passed, has become words and paragraphs and many, many blog posts.

I write for all the emotions I feel, that conflict and clash, and hurt, and heal. Because being human can be so hard and confusing and wonderful that there's no way to express it with logic or math or science, it can only be expressed through the soul, through creativity, and most especially through these words on the page. My soul is a poem, a story, a novel by God, and I have to try, day by day, to write out these pieces of it so that I and the world around me can read it and know who I am.

I write because the world is beautiful

And I write because it's not.

I write because there are equal amounts of horror and beauty in the world and it's so hard to see them sometimes, and other times, they simply can't be ignored, and they clamor and scream and push until they are shared. Because sometimes the beauty is so great I want to stand in awe and wonder, and sometimes the horror is that great too. And it has to be written. It has to be put down, defined, and unfortunately diminished in a small amount in order to share it. But in the sharing, it regains all the beauty it lost and sometimes more.

I write to heal my shattered soul and to put my pieces together until I can see the image of myself in my mind, made of these letters that make the words that make me. Until the sentences finally make sense and my mind is organized and I can see straight again. Because it gets messy, here in my heart, and it's hard to know which way is up and which is down until I have buried myself in the words and given myself time to heal, to patch the holes that this world puts in.

I write because I want to be seen.

I write to be seen, because how else do you know a human soul but by the words they choose to write? I want to know and be known. And so I write.