Can you know pain and heartache and still work to find love?
That's what I want to know.
Is it possible to be broken but healing, hurt but not skeptical?
I hope so. Because the brightest future I can imagine includes all of these things. The future I want includes a family and all the accompanying difficulties. It includes falling in love, and having children, whether biologically or through adoption. And if I let myself become dark, become broken and skeptical and not optimistic, I'll lose that dream. And I'll go back to a place I don't want to go to.
I've got some stuff in my past. Nothing near as crazy as some people. I have been a hypocrite, a liar, depressed, and prideful. I have been innocent and not-so-innocent. I have wanted the wrong things and ignored the Spirit. I have been bullheaded and stupid, and weak. I have given in to peer pressure, hurt, and blamed. I'm not the best person. And that scares me, to think that I was (and am) like that sometimes, and that I could slip back into it.
But I can become better. That's the best gift God can give me- I don't always have to be that girl. I don't have to be trapped in darkness and pride and pain.
So I have made a vow, and I make it every day. To keep smiling, to keep looking up. To dream of better things to come. Because we all can find love that doesn't die, because it's worth keeping alive. I believe that- I have to believe that. We all can find joy. I can become a better person than I am today. I can be more caring, more discerning, less caught up in my own head. I will not be lost on this path. And I will walk forward believing in good things to come, and working my way there. Down-to-earth and working towards a dream.
No matter how incredibly difficult it is.
Life gets brighter the further you get down the road, I think. Though it might be harder, it is brighter.
We all can find a brighter future.
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