Teacher Appreciation

Tonight was the teacher appreciation dinner that my church hosts annually. I was able to recognize a teacher that had been a great support to a shy little sixth grader about six years ago.

Teachers are amazing. They put up with students' crap every day for eight hours, and then they go home and grade sometimes horrible work, yet many don't quit and they often seem to become role models and friends to the students that have come to respect them. The teacher I recognized tonight was one of those, and I truly hope my sisters are placed in her class as well. Everyone needs a good teacher.

Teachers are not always associated with school. Some of my most influential teachers have been relatives. Sometimes I gain insight from my friends, or even my siblings. Learning from others is one of the great joys of this life we live.

Look for the teachers around you! Chances are, you're someone's teacher too. Make the lesson you teach a good one, k?

Faith and Doubt

Faith is a funny thing. It is a belief in a thing without proof of it. It is, as Alma says, "hope for things which are not seen, which are true" (Alma 32:21). I think a lot of prove get faith wrong, in the sense that faith is not perfect. It is not knowledge- the two are in fact entirely different.

One of my favorite scriptures is in Ether 3:19. This is right after the brother of Jared has seen the Lord. It says, and this is my favorite part, that "he had faith no longer, for he knew, nothing doubting."

The part that really hits me is the part about "faith no longer." Faith does not exist in the presence of concrete knowledge. It is transformed into something else. This means that doubt must be inherent in faith. There must always be that portion of my mind that asks "what if I'm wrong?" That is what makes it faith. 

I am not sure that anyone on the world today, excepting perhaps prophets and apostles, could have a concrete knowledge of the existence of God. Yet I also believe that the portion of a person that doubts can be made smaller and smaller until it is very nearly nonexistent. Yet, the point is that it is still there. It can catch us unawares at the worst of times.

Faith is necessary to agency, as well. If we all knew that He existed, if we had seen Him, what would be left to choose? Of course we'd follow the right path, because we'd know for certain it was right. Doubt is necessary to agency. When a person knows something is true, they are not at all likely to act in a way contrary to that knowledge. If it is overcast, a person will often wear warmer clothes or carry an umbrella because they know that overcast often means rain. This is not to say we as people never act against our knowledge, because we do, but it is less likely, and I believe that knowledge like that could change or destroy our agency.

This means that a certain amount of doubt is necessary to God's plan for us. Doubt allows for a much richer experience. It opens our minds, it encourages discovery and learning. It engenders strength in opposition. It takes great strength to take a path that you sometimes doubt, and stay firm in the face of persecution, of other convincing views. Doubt is a great thing, as long as it does not take over. As long as it doesn't stop us from acting. Doubt is great when it is a catalyst for action in search of truth. 

If

If it would save you
I'd be your Angel
If it gave you faith
I'd show you a Savior
If it brought you salvation
I'd be your Grace
If you needed revelation
I'd be its Face

My Best Friend is an Atheist

I recently discovered that my best friend is an atheist. 

The sad thing is, he was afraid to tell me- in fact, he believed I would hate him (as the picture below shows). He was convinced that telling me would make me push him away, and end our friendship.

How sad is it that we live in a society where to disagree with someone is to hate them, or where life choices can alienate those dearest to you? This is mostly seen with people who are homosexual, at least in our world today- the fear of "coming out" has terrified at least one of my dearest friends, who finally told his parents this past summer. (a different friend than the atheist).

Society sees much of two ideas: first, that to follow anything that your parents taught you is wrong and rebelling is a way of finding your identity, and second, that being different means being disliked.

First of all, this idea that rebellion is the source of finding an identity is just flat out crap. Sure, some people take different paths than their parents (case in point: my friend the atheist.) But since when did it become shameful to believe what your parents taught? I myself firmly believe in the faith of my parents, and not just because they taught me but because I found out on my own. I do try and live how I was taught, because experience has shown me that this is the best way. We don't need to rebel like Miley Cyrus (and in my belief, her behavior is at its core a bid for attention and approval, rather than a true search for identity) to find out who we are. There is nothing shameful with following in the footsteps of those who came before.

The second is this idea that disagreement is wrong. This idea that anyone who does not support the majority must be bigoted or discriminatory, with references being thrown around about Jim Crow laws and similar behavior. Some people are like this, sure. But only a small portion. I absolutely detest this idea that my friend would believe that I'd hate him for not believing in God. Sure, faith is a huge part of my life. But why does that mean I have to hate people who don't believe? Especially my best friend? That is just wrong. The LDS Church released a letter about the treatment of people who identify as homosexual, and I believe I referenced it in another post. In this letter, it said that even those who behave in ways that the Church expressly forbids- even those who behave sinfully, and most especially them!- deserve our love and respect. Imagine that! Being able to disagree and still be accepted by your loved ones. What a concept. 

I believe in loving despite disagreement, in accepting what I cannot change and loving the person for who they are and not in a way dependent on certain life choices. I am a firmly religious person, and a Mormon, yet two of my good friends are gay, and my best friend is an atheist. They are some of the greatest people I know- better even than those who profess to believe what I do!

What a change the world would see if we tried to accept others' life choices. Accept others' rights to vote for OR against an issue. Accept someone's right to believe OR not. Try it out- it's amazing what kinds of great people you'll find right under your noses.

My best friend and I are closer than ever, and now I know that he knows that he can trust me with anything and it will not stop me from caring. It may have hurt a little, but my acceptance ensured that if I need it, there will be a shoulder to lean on. Far more good came than bad. I urge you to try it as well. 

What I Wish I Could Say

*I wrote this a while back, and upon reading it again, I thought I'd publish it. It seems very relatable, even coming from a different place in my life*

I'm scared.

I'm scared of going away, of not finding anyone to care for, of not finding anyone who cares. That sounds really shallow, but understand I can't be alone. I can't be alone because when I'm alone my thoughts get dark, and my head goes places no head should ever go.

I'm scared of getting close to you because I'm leaving, and when I do, one or both of us will end up broken. 

I'm scared of getting close because I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to be hurt. I'm scared of being hurt by hurting you. I'm scared that if I trust you, that you won't give me anything of you and I'll be left without me because I'm giving it to you.

I'm scared of pulling away as well, of losing this newfound care and all that I've found in the place where you are. I'm scared of being alone, and especially of being without you. I'm scared of making it too hard for you so that you decide I'm not worth it anymore and leave me behind, but I'm scared you might do that if I make it too easy as well.

And I know that I've nothing else to do but risk it all. It's the only option left, to risk that jump, but I'm scared to. I'm scared to lose anything, and to gain it as well. And I don't get scared, but sometimes I do, and right now I'm terrified.

I'm terrified that I'm losing this fight, this fight to live, to love and to trust myself and all of humanity because I want to give so much but I'm scared to. I'm scared of not knowing what to do, and I don't know what to do.

I'm so scared to ask for help, though I know that I need it. I know what I need, I think, though I'm scared that I'm wrong and I'm terrified to ask for what I think I need. I'm too scared to ask for what I think I need or accept anything from anyone because I'm scared of being betrayed.

And I'm scared to tell you any of this. So I won't.

Best Friends

What is a best friend?

A best friend is a soulmate, and not necessarily in a romantic sense either.

A best friend is someone with whom you would entrust your entire soul.

A best friend is someone you can be comfortable with, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, any -ally you care to name.

A best friend is a person who will always tell you how they feel, and yet...

A best friend supports you in all your decisions whether or not they agree.

A best friend is a shoulder to cry on.

A best friend will lead you on the right path but only if you want them to, because they respect your wishes.

A best friend is gentle with your feelings, and is not the kind of person to tell you you're being stupid unless it's really, really necessary, and I'm talking life-and-death situations kind of necessary.

A best friend may still find little, subtle ways to tell you that you're being stupid, but only in ways so you can figure things out on your own.

A best friend is the family you choose.

A best friend will let you be weak and strong.

A best friend is the arm around your shoulders when you thought you'd have to walk this path alone.

A best friend is the poke in the sides when you need a laugh, and sometimes just because it's kinda funny to watch you squirm.

A best friend is the opposite of pressure, and they will help you bear your burdens with no mention of what you can do in return for their service.

A best friend is what we all need to strive to be.

Being a best friend is much more important than having one, after all.

Don't Mistake Anchors for the Tide

If a ship puts down an anchor, it is held in place. It can only shift in a tight circle around the spot where the anchor is lodged. The tide will pull at such a ship- and any ship for that matter- attempting to bring the ship into its motion and to push it out to sea.

There are anchors on land too, although they're a little less heavy and a little more metaphorical. Anchors such as religion, family, and friends. Specifically friends.

My friends have been, in the past, my anchors. They have kept me grounded and kept me in perspective. They have kept me in the right and always supported me in my decisions while not being afraid to express their concerns as well. Yet in the end, they were my anchor and support.

Until recently, that is.

My anchors have become the tide, I feel. They push and pull at me and what little anchoring I have left in the two or three friends that I still truly trust. This tide has come close to bringing me "out to sea" time and time again. While I wasn't watching, secure in my "anchored" position, they began to erode and become one with the sea. Yet still I believed them to be anchors and began to trust the tide to keep me in place.

It took me a long time to realize what was happening, and a huge amount of effort to pull my "ship" back into place. I was forced to find new anchors, and to strengthen the anchor in my own soul against their tide. Even now, it is difficult to work against the pull of my old anchors-turned-tide.

People often change. New people can often be nearly the opposite of who you think they are. Friends can be both tides and anchors for our moral, emotional, and perhaps even physical, well-being. They can support or push and pull beyond the circle allowed by an anchor's leash. Be careful in your choice of anchors- they may in fact be the tide in disguise.

"But everyone does it"

Last night, I drove three of my friends home after rehearsal, just being nice. It was late at night, and my car is a super old stick shift that I'm not totally expert at driving. Today, my friends, including one who wasn't even present, were giving me a hard time about my driving, and I got a little upset. I mean, sure I am actually not an expert but I'm not that bad. And I was doing them a service, driving them when I could be sleeping at home.

When I got upset, my friends just said "Calm down, it's not a big deal, everyone does it/we do it to everyone" (referring to the hard time they were giving me). What about everyone doing it makes it right? What if I'm not everyone? Excuse me for thinking you'd be civil to your (apparently) taxi service! My final thought was this:

Just because everyone is doing it doesn't make it right

Giving people a hard time can have a big effect-if this had happened a year ago, I may never have gained the self-esteem I have now, and what I have is still a little fragile. Giving me a hard time could have pushed me deeper into depression.

Not to mention it's annoying. And what about it is good natured or friendly? "I'm your friend, let me tell you that you suck at something," oh joy, just what I always wanted. The friendship and care are just oozing out of that, aren't they? And then to be told that it's okay because everyone does it....

No wonder I don't trust very many people. It's hard to make friends, isn't it, when they give everyone a hard time. When are they serious, when are they joking? Contrary to popular belief, it's not easy to tell when they're joking, and it hurts anyway.

Often the group mind is wrong- just because everyone does it doesn't make it okay, or helpful, or kind. Be careful of following the crowd.

All Problems are Created Equal

Yes, that's right. Only it doesn't mean what you think it does. And now you want to know what it does mean, I'm sure.

In my life, there have been times where I've had trouble (obviously). Often I try to go to people for help because that's what people do isn't it? We all rely on each other.

At these times, I'm hoping for sympathy, empathy, a listening ear.

What I'm not looking for is to be told that my problem is dumb.

This has happened several times, leading me to develop the view that "all problems are created equal" in a way.

You see, to me, whatever was going on had huge significance to my life, though the thing that set it off may have been small. I am blessed to live in a first world country, and as such, my problems are not horrible. However, I do not believe in a "dumb" problem or a "wrong" problem. It could be the worst thing that person has gone through. They may need your support just as much as those with worse problems.

I guess what I'm saying is that nobody's pain should be disregarded. No matter how insignificant it may seem. It could be the tip of an iceberg, or a side effect of a larger problem. It could be that they just need a friend.

And lest I forget, what damage does disregarding pain-even the seemingly insignificant-do? Well, I have a hard time trusting those who tell me my pain is dumb, even with the more important stuff. For someone with whom it's an iceberg, you could do irreparable harm to them. It could be the last straw before they do something drastic. It could worsen the issue to a point where it becomes extremely serious. It does damage to friendships.

Please don't disregard anyone's pain, because there's always a story behind it.

The Importance of Focus

The irony is that I began this post during my choir class.

In everything we do, especially when it involves a group, requires focus of a certain kind. There is no way to be distracted, to do more than one thing at the same time. No, everyone must be completely present, and not somewhere else, in the way that this article describes. Everyone must be ready to do what needs done. There is no halfway, not if you want the best results.

In my choir class (this is why it was ironic) we have struggled so much with focusing, and because of that we have so far gotten only sub par results. It is not a matter of knowing what we're doing, but it is a matter of focus (and a little of optimism). So often, I'll look around and see people on their phones, or taking group selfies, or dancing. This is not to say that talking is bad- a little bit is healthy and good for the group. However, dramatic gestures and dancing, moving across the room, playing around- these have no place here.

It is also true that occasionally someone will try to lead, but will have the hardest time getting the hang of it. Almost as an opposition to these people are the ones with a natural talent for leadership-but no desire to exercise that talent. Both of these can have negative effects, however, it is not doing anything that will hurt the group the most. To be in a group, it is necessary to be in it all the way,  or not at all. Halfway people hurt the group. In the words of Yoda, "Do or do not; there is no try."

There are also a few people within my choir  that just love to mess around when the focus is not on them or their part. This is another thing that will absolutely take away the focus of the group as a whole. A small amount of respectful whispering is healthy. Getting up, moving around, dancing, even singing quietly sometimes, talking loudly, all of these things, have a huge effect on the group. We are not as good because of these people who are not focused. They take away from the focus of the group as a whole. Every person can affect the group, and if we lose their focus, we have lost part of what makes the group good. This again relates to presence- losing the presence of one affects the entire group as well.

On the flip side of this coin, I remember the day right before spring break immensely well; we had noticed how the lack of focus was affecting the group and decided to change a few things up. That day was incredible. It was like the sun just blinking over the horizon, the way it worked. The whole mood of the room changed. Nobody messed around to such a degree that it disturbed the group, nobody got angry and yelled. That was one of the best days that I've ever had in a choir. We know all our parts, but without that focus, we are nothing. That day, we could have gone to contest and blown everyone away.

 These are all great people. I love each and every person in my choir. They are my friends, my family, in a way that can only be understood by being a part of a group like this. Every member of this choir has immense talent and skill. They could do it, we could do it. We as a group could be great except for the lack of focus. There are so many factors that contribute to this lack, and all of them are pushing us down. But, like a spring, when we do focus, we are catapulted higher into choral gloriousness than we ever thought we could be. Focus is essential.